A: So you’re looking to diversify your talents after spending too long in the IT side of the market?
B: As I see it “The bottom line is I got it wrong by being overexposed to subprime and I suffered as a result of an unprecedented liquidity squeeze and deterioration in that market.”
A: So you’re looking for different work?
B: Well you’ve got to really. It’s like a shark.
A: I see – the pinnacle of evolution – perfection in every detail.
B: Not really. I mean you’ve got to keep moving or you die.
A: Is that really true for sharks?
B: I doubt it. Since I’ve been watching Q.I. and reading about new research from scientists I have no faith in anything I believe to be true any more.
A: Such as…
B: One moon, the Corby trouser press not originating in Corby, death being bad for you…
A: These things aren’t true?
B: Probably not. Life is far more complicated these days.
A: It’s always been problematical for me.
B: Yes but you’re only 8. You had no simple past to look back on. No times when policemen rode bicycles, gave you a clip around the ear for scrumping apples, and swerved their panda cars home after a 3 hour shut-in at the British Legion. Ah. Simple days.
A: Dangerous days.
B: Possibly, but in a nicer, no publicity, way.
A: I’m still confused about what I’m supposed to do.
B: How so?
A: Well am I supposed to pretend I believe in Father Christmas, eat all my food and play computer games?
B: Of course.
A: But it doesn’t make sense. You buy me a computer, lots of games then tell me I spend too much time playing on it. Ditto red meat, mobile phones, the Disney Channel. As I say it’s confusing.
B: I see.
A: You also tell me how great life was when you were a child. You could play out all summer long, on your own, in a local wood for 14 hours each and every gloriously sunny holiday day. Yet if I go further than the end of the drive…
B: Well – things are different now.
A: Statistically not I think. The stats on child murders, harmers, etc haven’t changed significantly since Victorian times.
B: Good point.
A: Another thing. Say you gave me all your money for three months and I not only lost it but left you with a debt of say, $8.4 billion you wouldn’t be too pleased would you?
B: Probably not.
A: You wouldn’t pat me on the head; say “take some time off and go shopping” would you?
B: No.
A: And you wouldn’t give me $160 million to spend on aforementioned shopping would you?
B: Of course not. That would be silly.
A: I’ve one more question for you.
B: Shoot.
A: How do you apply for a job with Merrill Lynch?
byron kalies 