In these dark golfing days of penalising professional golfers for moving their ball 2 cms and ‘trial by video’ and blah blah blah, I remember a time when even cheating used to be simpler..
BERWYN: Do you remember that guy from Pontnewydd that used to cheat?
PENSIONER DAVE: Aye. Adjer.
BERWYN: I went to school with him.
ANDY: Adjer? Why was he called Adjer.
PENSIONER DAVE: That was his name. He would always put his marker in front of his ball on the green and behind it when he wanted to putt.
ANDY: I don’t understand.
ANDY: Ah I see he was adjing nearer the hole every time.
JOHN: Is he still playing at Pontnewydd?
PENSIONER DAVE: No. Dai Snips sorted him out.
JOHN: Big Snipsy? The barber?
PENSIONER DAVE: Unisex hairdresser if you don’t mind.
PENSIONER DAVE: How what?
ANDY: How did he sort him out?
PENSIONER DAVE: Well Adjer marked his ball against Snipsy a few times in a match. You know adjing and adjing and Snipsy is getting more and more wound up, you know. On the 16th he loses it. Adjer has cleaned and marked his ball a couple of times, getting nearer and nearer to the hole each time. Then Adjer picks the ball up again and starts cleaning it. He puts it down again and Snipsy looks at him hard. “Well,“ he says, “that’s close enough now for a gimme Adjer. So pick it up. Pick it up, put it in your pocket and if I see you in this club again I’ll stick the ball, your marker and your putter”…. Well he did tell him where he was going to put his putting equipment but I don’t want to upset a nice young man as you Andy. Anyway Adjer never played in Pontnewydd again.
BERWYN: He was always an idiot. As Thick as ……
JOHN: (INTERUPTING) … Charon’s ferry boat is with phantoms?
BERWYN: No. Is was going to say as thick as shit.
ANDY: Well what about him?
BERWYN: I saw him in Cardiff last Friday.
PENSIONER DAVE: What was he doing?
BERWYN: Same job. Oh but he’s Chief Inspector Adjer now.