I phoned the vet.
“Good afternoon. Could I bring my pet in to see the vet please?”
“Of course. Can I take your details sir please?”
I supplied my details.
“And the name of your pet?”
“Rex.”
“What type of a dog is he?”
“A hamster.”
“I’ve never heard of that breed before.” (with no trace of irony)
“It’s a hamster.”
“Ah.”
“Ah?”
“I’m sorry but we don’t treat hamsters.”
“I‘m sorry. I’ve got the right number have I?.This is the vet isn’t it? It’s not the cake shop?”
“It is the vet, but we don’t treat small animals.”
“Really. You don’t treat small animals? You have a size discrimination policy?”
“You could say that.”
“Is this policy only for small animals? Or do you have an upper level?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Like elephants. Do you treat elephants? Or giraffes?”
“Probably not. We don’t get much call for giraffes in Cwm (no sense of irony here either). We mostly deal with cats or dogs.”
“Isn’t that a bit …… speciesish?”
“?”
“Look. It’s a hamster. I have money. You don’t charge on the height of an animal do you? I could perhaps understand if you didn’t treat baby ants as the stethoscope would be really, really difficult to hold, but a hamster, really?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s quite a large hamster. It has had a bit of a growth spurt recently. Does that make a difference?”
“Now you’re being stupid.”
“Just following your lead. So, what do I do with my hamster?”
“I’m sorry sir but that’s not our business.ir.”
I wait.
She concludes with, “Is there anything else I could help you with today?”
“…………” (swear words omitted).
byron kalies 