The Apprentice – “Which Of You Shall We Say Doth Love Us Most?”


I detest the sycophantic series of the Apprentice. Yet I watched every episode. This is how I remember the final…..

 Joseph and Vana both sit opposite Lord Sugar and I’m reminded of the scene in King Lear, In the production I saw the 3 sisters sit opposite the rather vain old King and his trusted advisors as he has summoned them to be his business partner / heir to the kingdom. The winner being the one that can flatter the old fart best.

But pray thee hush… the King, he speaketh –

“Which of you shall we say doth love us most

That we our largest bounty may extend

Where nature doth with merit challenge?—Vana,

Our eldest born, speak first.”

 And Vana speaketh wisely and bounteous in his praise for her beloved Lord. It pleaseth the Lord for he nods sagely and looketh upon her with great kindness and murmurs ‘technology’. There is a murmour then the Lord looketh up and again he speaketh for the twiceth time –

“But now, our joy,

Although our last and least, to whose young love

The vines of Yaxley and milk of Peterborough

Strive to be interessed. What can you say to draw

A third more opulent than your sister? Speak.”

And the lovely Joseph speaketh – Oh no, he speaketh not  of ‘nothing’ as one may have expected – O, no, that way madness lies. He speaketh of the King. His hero. His paladin. His advocate. His eidolon. His Father figure. Of how his great words hath inspireth him –

Joseph speaketheth thus –

“I read a book once and it made by a better person. I was lost and now I’m found. I was blind but now I see. The name of the book was…(dramatic pause ) ‘What you See is what you Get’. It was penned by your fair hand m’lord. “

The King was pleasethed muchly and awardeth he him the keyseth of his almighty kingdom..eth.

And the people were pleased.

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