B: How’s the Christmas play going?
A: Terrible. I hate being in the choir.
B: Oh, why’s that?
A: Miss’s moved me to the second row.
B: Why would she do that?
A: Well the badder the singer you are the more rows you get moved back.
B: Second row’s not too bad though?
A: I was on the front row.
B: I see.
A: Georgina’s on the 6th row. Miss said she’d sing better if she opened her mouth.
B: Nice bit of typical music teacher feedback.
A: That reminds me. Tell me about the Beatles.
B: Why’s that?
A: It’s a school project.
B: Music?
A: History.
B: Well, I have to admit that I wasn’t really that big a fan.
A: But you’re old… and we live near Liverpool.
B: I know but I’ve never really liked Paul McCartney.
A: Good grief. Anything else you’d like to admit to?
B: I think Morrissey, Pete Doherty, Jeff Tweedy, Liam Gallagher and Eminem are all funny.
A: Did you do a lot of drugs in the 70s?
B: Again – no. I guess I’m a big disappointment to you aren’t I?
A: Just as long as you don’t start liking my music that’s OK.
B: And your music?
A: Wilco, Sparklehorse, Lambchop.
B: ….
A: Just joking; Kylie and Pussy Cat Dolls.
B: On safe ground there.
A: So musically what were the 50s like?
B: How would I know?
A: 60s?
B: Too young
A: 70s?
B: Too busy.
A: 80s?
B: Too old.
A: 90s?
B: Now that was a good time.
A: Why was that?
B: I discovered music and had enough money to enjoy it.
A: But didn’t they all sound the same?
B: Exactly. Bluetones. Ocean Colour Scene. Kula Shaker….
A: You made that last one up.
B: Absolutely not. They were huge in October 1996.
A: So tell me what was the whole musical experience of seeing a band like?
B: The gig?
A: The gig.
B: Well it followed a religiously predictable pattern; Meet in the Lamb, go to TJs..
A: The Lamb? TJs? This would be Welsh code for something, yes?
B: The Lamb is the famous Pub in Newport and the Legendary TJs is the music venue where, allegedly, Kurt Cobain proposed to Courtney Love.
A: Right.
B. So, meet in the Lamb; go to TJs; see Catatonia…
A: Catatonia ? Weren’t they famous once?
B: Not at this time – always the support act never the bridegroom, or whatever the saying is.
A: Do carry on.
B: Meet in the Lamb; go to TJs; see Catatonia; go to bar; hear “I’m A Firestarter”; see band; back to Lamb with headache and home.
A: Sounds great.
B: Ah the good old days.
A: So how come your life’s totally out of order? Shouldn’t you have got over all that in the first half of your life?
B: Possibly… possibly. So back to music history.
A: Was Tommy Steele a really cheeky monkey at school?
