The Choir

B: How’s the Christmas play going?

A: Terrible. I hate being in the choir.

B: Oh, why’s that?

A: Miss’s moved me to the second row.

B: Why would she do that?

A: Well the badder the singer you are the more rows you get moved back.

B: Second row’s not too bad though?

A: I was on the front row.

B: I see.

A: Georgina’s on the 6th row. Miss said she’d sing better if she opened her mouth.

B: Nice bit of typical music teacher feedback.

A: That reminds me. Tell me about the Beatles.

B: Why’s that?

A: It’s a school project.

B: Music?

A: History.

B: Well, I have to admit that I wasn’t really that big a fan.

A: But you’re old… and we live near Liverpool.

B: I know but I’ve never really liked Paul McCartney.

A: Good grief. Anything else you’d like to admit to?

B: I think Morrissey, Pete Doherty, Jeff Tweedy, Liam Gallagher and Eminem are all funny.

A: Did you do a lot of drugs in the 70s?

B: Again – no. I guess I’m a big disappointment to you aren’t I?

A: Just as long as you don’t start liking my music that’s OK.

B: And your music?

A: Wilco, Sparklehorse, Lambchop.

B: ….

A: Just joking; Kylie and Pussy Cat Dolls.

B: On safe ground there.

A: So musically what were the 50s like?

B: How would I know?

A: 60s?

B: Too young

A: 70s?

B: Too busy.

A: 80s?

B: Too old.

A: 90s?

B: Now that was a good time.

A: Why was that?

B: I discovered music and had enough money to enjoy it.

A: But didn’t they all sound the same?

B: Exactly. Bluetones. Ocean Colour Scene. Kula Shaker….

A: You made that last one up.

B: Absolutely not. They were huge in October 1996.

A: So tell me what was the whole musical experience of seeing a band like?

B: The gig?

A: The gig.

B: Well it followed a religiously predictable pattern; Meet in the Lamb, go to TJs..

A: The Lamb? TJs? This would be Welsh code for something, yes?

B: The Lamb is the famous Pub in Newport and the Legendary TJs is the music venue where, allegedly, Kurt Cobain proposed to Courtney Love.

A: Right.

B. So, meet in the Lamb; go to TJs; see Catatonia…

A: Catatonia ? Weren’t they famous once?

B: Not at this time – always the support act never the bridegroom, or whatever the saying is.

A: Do carry on.

B: Meet in the Lamb; go to TJs; see Catatonia; go to bar; hear “I’m A Firestarter”; see band; back to Lamb with headache and home.

A: Sounds great.

B: Ah the good old days.

A: So how come your life’s totally out of order? Shouldn’t you have got over all that in the first half of your life?

B: Possibly… possibly. So back to music history.

A: Was Tommy Steele a really cheeky monkey at school?