Happy New Year

A: So Happy New Year and all that.
B: You too. Any New Year resolutions?
A: I’m eight.
B: So?
A: What vices do you think I need to address this year then?
B: Well…
A: Too much drinking, drugs maybe?
B: OK. OK.
A: So you – what are you looking to give up?
B: Usual things … but most importantly I’m really going to write this blog far more regularly
A: Really. Why would you want to do that?
B: I’ve this idea that this would make an excellent book.
A: Honestly? How would you pitch this then?
B: I have. I’ve described it as a ‘gentle comedy’…
A: Incredibly gentle.
B: … detailing conversations between a precocious 8 year old …
A: Called?
B: Alice. Obviously not you.
A: Couldn’t be – different name. Do you get a name?
B: No. Other character is Guardian–reading, ‘right-on’….
A: Does anyone say that these days?
B: …liberal-type.
A: So, not you either?
B: Precisely.
B: And someone’s gone for it.
B: Well yes. Those nice, perceptive people at Pegasus are keen.
A: Define keen.
B: (pause)
A: They’ve offered us a six figure advance and a contract?
B: Not in so many words.
A: They haven’t said ‘no’ yet?
B: Closer. They’ve asked me to submit it when it’s finished. So let’s get cracking.
A: Me? You know I take no responsibility for any of this.
B: Of course. So what’s with the ‘us’ you mentioned before when you talked about an advance?
A: Just a figure of speech.

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