If Descartes had been my Caddy in The Netherlands in the 17th Century….

“Rene, tell me once more – is it golf or kolf we’re inventing?”

First tee, Golf and Country Club, Heilloo, Netherlands, 1648:

“Rene – could you hand me my driver please?”

“Why would you want that implement, sir?”

“For to hit the ball my good man – now hurry up there are lieden waiting”

“But it is my job to question. So once again I ask why would you want this all titanium, 9.5 degree loft, driver?”

“Because I’m on the tee, it’s a par 4 and over 300 metres. Now please..”

“But sir, again I ask, why a driver ? “

“Rene, you are a bit of a thicko, aren’t you. Let me explain it to you slowly…. If I hit the driver 230 metres I will be 230 metres closer to the hole. I can then hit a wedge, 2 putt and make a par.”

“And where will this be happening?”

“On this hole, the first – if I ever get to it.”

“I mean, where is this happening – philosophically?”

“!”

“It’s happening in your mind, isn’t it? You see the next 5 minutes played out in your head – but that’s not reality is it? The mind and body are separate.”

“I get that but I also dreamt somewhere that visualising helps with this. It will be called psycho-cybernetics and In USA a group of schoolchildren will be separated. One group will practice shooting free throws every day. The second group will sit on the bench and imagine themselves shooting free throws. The third group we do nothing and unsurprisingly will be the worse when tested. There will barely any difference between groups 1 and 2.”

“Ah but that’s not for another 300 years. At present we are stuck with this Cartesian anxiety.”

“Oh I see – bit of a joke there. But tell me, oh wise one – what would you suggest?”

“Well, having become familiar with your game over the past few years, which is possible as golf (or kolf) has been played here in the Netherlands for many years, I have yet to see you hit a drive 200 metres in a consistently straight, forward direction.”

“I see. So this philosophical argument is merely a distraction to show me up as a rubbish golfer, or kolfer as we sometimes say here in North Holland.”

“Not entirely I was testing out my method of doubt. It’s my theory on challenging assumptions. I find it useful to assume that everything you believe is put there by a deceitful, omnipotent being who can deceive you in even your most basic assumptions.”

“And what would be my most basic assumptions today?”

“That you want to hit a driver, which assumes you want to hit the ball, which assumes there is a reason for it, which assumes you derive some pleasure from the game, which would lead to a bit of a discussion on pleasure and pain in the future. Incidentally a proponent of this, Jeremy Bentham will be born exactly a 100 years from this day and will take up the challenge by revealing that mankind is governed by pain and pleasure”

“All very well Rene. However there is a crowd of many, many people waiting for us so please just hand me a club.”

“Here’s a 3 iron.”

“You were always going to give me this club weren’t you?”

“Of course”

The 3 iron sails down the fairway. After another prolonged discourse the 8 iron approach shot lands softly on the green and we walk toward it. As I start checking my putt Zeno of Elea walks toward me;

“You know that philosophically, your ball will never reach the hole don’t you?”

“Oh – don’t you start!”

Cheating in Golf? Surely Not

Robert Forgan

“Golf is a test of temper, a trial of honour, a revealer of character. It affords a chance to play the man and act the gentleman.”  – Robert Forgan

Really? What is it about golf that lends itself to such hyperbola, and at time total nonsense about the game. Peter Alliss and co would have you believe that it is as character building as a good war. That the people who play the game are angels and we are all pure in thought and deed (except John Daly).

Golf is a game. Like all games it’s a test of character and there will be ties when you will be tested. I know that but please.. some sort of reality check. If golf is played by such a wonderful divine bunch of angels why are there so many rules?

There are moral dilemmas in golf, as in other parts of life. Especially early on in your golfing career it takes a little while to ‘get it’. New golfers may not see the harm in just dropping another ball once they’ve spent 5 minutes looking in the rough for their hooked drive. “You count air shots?” they may naively ask. You have to deal with this, as an upholder of golf.

Now, we’re not talking about deliberately writing a 4 instead of of 5 or dropping another ball in the rough when you can’t find your ball and it’s the 17th hole in the monthly medal. But how would you react to other moral dilemmas;

For instance, you’re standing on a bridge and can see a tram hurtling towards five people stranded on the track. The only way to save their lives is to drop a heavy weight in front of the tram. A fat man also happens to be standing on the bridge. Would you push him to his death in order to stop the tram, or leave him, in which case those on the track will die? Would you kill one person to save 5?
OK not the sort of situation you would come across in a friendly 4 ball but still – where do you draw your line? Is it OK to lose a monthly medal because you forgot to say you were playing a provisional ball even though everyone knew you were? How often do you walk back to the tee, apart from competitions?
If there was a small child drowning in the pond and you were on your way back from the pro shop wearing your brand new pair of fantastic, but not waterproof shoes, would you ruin them to save the child. Probably, but you don’t always send £5 to save the life of a number of children in Africa?
So does your idea of morality depend on distance?

OK went off at a bit of a tangent there but you get the point. It’s a fine line. I do love the game but can’t really buy in to this sacramental  vision of it though, as you may have gathered. There are people in golf who cheat. Yes you heard it here first. People who play golf are frequently humans and as such are a bit like us – they have that fatal flaw – they are human. Golf has far fewer problems than many other sports – this is true.

Golf is pretty special and I firmly believe the amount of cheating and bad behaviour that goes on in golf is infinitely less than most other sports. However let’s not be silly here. Golf is a competitive game played by those most competitive and sneaky of creatures – humans.

I have played with people who cheat – and heard about golfers who cheat. There are a variety of ways of doing this. For instance at a former golf club there was a character named Bill. Unofficially he was known as ‘Adjer Bill’. He was notorious for adjing, or moving his ball nearer the hole. His favoured method of doing this was by a system of marking and placing his ball on the green. He would pit his marker down in front of the ball and then, after carefully wiping it, would place the ball in front of the marker – therby gaining a few inches. He would even do this on 50 feet putts. He did many other things – he seemed to be always looking for an opportunity to cheat. He was always  ‘lucky’. He’d find his ball in the deepest of rough – usually with a decent lie for instance. Tales of his behaviour spread like wildfire around the golf club and one day he way playing on a cold October evening with one of our more aggressive members.

After a few holes of his marking dance on the green the aggressive member finally cracked. It was an important putt for Bill. He marked and cleaned his ball once, then he did it again. Now his 8 feet putt had turned into 6 feet. Our aggressive member looked at the position of Bill’s ball now, shouted at him (without the swear words) “You can have that now, and the match – I’m going in.” and walked in.

So, why are there less cheats at golf than at football?

I don’t believe it’s because it’s generally played by people with more money.
I don’t feel it’s because it is still an elitist sport in many places.
I think it makes a difference that it is a game that can be by people of all ages and abilities.
I also think that the way people are introduced to the game helps a great deal;
The game of football tends to be picked up as a child as you grow up playing against peers. The values are the values of your group – in most cases groups define their own rules, their own standards. As a child playing football it was acceptable, even expected, to shout and argue for throw ins, free kicks etc.. It’s what you do. In our version of football tough tackling was the norm and sending off’s were non existent.
In golf people tend to be taught one at a time. They are indoctrinated into the game through the mores and values of the group. Generally a group of established golfers who were inevitably introduced individually by a group of similar individuals. The values are handed down and generally these standards involve no cheating. Added to this the stigma of being caught cheating can be incredibly devastating.

I don’t know what’s happened to Adjer Bill. He sort of disappeared from the club pretty soon after he was ‘outed’. Peer pressure is probably the most effective way of keeping golf a thoroughly decent game – but hey let’s not be silly about it, Jack;

“In no other sport does the nature of the contest allow the players to be so free of jealousy and enmity, so willing to help and support each other and be so sincere in their acceptance of each other’s success.” – Golf and Life – Jack Nicklaus

Nefyn and the Dragon’s Tail

Nefyn and District must rate as the most spectacular golf course in the whole of Wales. It is a simply magnificent course to play or even to just walk around. The views are stunning and it shares the claim of Royal Porthcawl that you there is a view of the sea from every tee.

As you stand on the thirteenth tee looking across the edge of the cliff with the sea roaring beneath you you must wonder if there is a more beautiful place to play golf in the world, or a more demanding tee shot.

Nefyn is a cliff top course overlooking the Irish Sea with the breathtaking backdrop of the mountains of Snowdonia. On a good day there is a view of the Wicklow Mountains of Ireland, a mere fifty seven miles away.

The course is nestled in the north west corner of Wales in the Llyn peninsula known as the Dragons Tail. This area of Wales is a 24 miles long finger of land with a culture all of its own. In a recent BBC wales documentary the area was described as “a place where battles which have been lost in other parts of Wales are still being fought, battles about language, culture and society.”

This unique area of Wales hosts two other superb golf courses, On the southern coast of the peninsula is Pwllheli Golf club. The course was designed by the legendary Tom Morris in 1900. A few years later James Braid, designer of a number of courses including Gleneagles and Carnoustie, had a hand in the redesign of the course. Further south along the course there is the acclaimed links course of Abersoch. This course was designed by Harry Vardon, multiple winner of the Open and phenomenal golf course designer. The club was officially founded on Boxing Day 1907 and opened in 1908.

On the northern coast of the peninsula is the wonderful course of Nefyn and District. The course is continually featured in the top half a dozen courses in Wales and amongst the very best of Britain.

The course it situated on the coast of Nefyn and the village of Porthdinllaen. Nefyn itself is a small town that has been dependant on fishing and ship building for much of its history. The coat of arms for the town features three herring. There has been a settlement here since at least 300 BC with the Iron Age fortified village of Gam Bouduan. This fort built on the hill overlooking the town has been discovered to have had 170 stone huts and ramparts. It also appears in the writings of Gerard of wales and became a free borough in 1355.

In contemporary times it is the place the place Welsh pop singer Duffy was raised.In 2008 she caused controversy by describing Nefyn as a place ”where pipe dreams are quashed in order to prevent you from being disappointed”.

The village of Porthdinllaen is a fishing village with an exotic history of fishing, shipbuilding and smuggling. There are tales of smuggling rum, tea and all manner of goods at Porthdinllaen and all along the Llyn peninsula. There was a customs house and storehouse built on the coast in the early 18^th century in a bid to limit the controversial practice.  In the 1840s it was an incredibly popular harbour with over 900 ships entering the port each year. Later as the railway and industry outstripping ships and boats Porthdinllaen became a major port on the route from Dublin to London.

Today the village is in the care of the National Trust and a popular destination for tourists with its beach, cycle trails and coastline walks.

The golf club of Nefyn and District  itself  was founded in 1907 after a meeting at the Ty Coch pub on Porthdinllaen beach. The pub still exists and provides a useful resting place if you take a slight detour between the 13th green and the 14^th tee. Or, if the golf isn’t going so well the perfect ending to your round.

In 1907 the course was laid out as a 9 hole course. It stayed that way for a number of years until it was developed in the1920s and 30s by two of the ‘Great triumvirate’ of golf of the day. The Triumvirate consisted of three golf legends with strong associations with the area. They consisted of Harry Vardon, JH Taylor and James Braid. The latter two were involved in the development of the course in 1933. They added a further nine holes and enhanced the first nine. The course was completed to the obvious satisfaction of both men and the members at the club. James Braid described the course as ‘‘situated on one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen.’

The course is unusual in that it is the only 26 hole golf course in the world, rather than the traditional 18. The opening 10 holes are played on all occasions. The course then breaks into 2 courses with separate 8 holes coming in. the ‘old’ final 8 holes wind their way along ‘The Point’. These are the holes played along the cliff edge and are a must for visitors. A former secretary of Nefyn Golf Club described conditions on a windy day to writer George Houghton in ‘Golf Addict Invades Wales’ as the ‘nearest thing to playing golf on the upper deck of an aircraft carrier’.

The ‘New’ course tends to be played by the members in their competitions.

The course in loved by many who have had the honour to play it. The reviews of the course are superlative and it has earned its honour as one of the top 100 courses in the U.K. The writer John Hopkins was brought up playing the course and for him it is the course he holds in greater affection than any other. In his review of the course in ‘Golf Wales’ he concludes that ‘Nefyn is a sporty, difficult on a windy day, and above all else, plain good fun…. It has remained the course I love above all others for the past 50 years.”

This article first appeared in Cambrian magazine March 2012

Woman Are Different from Men, Really

first published ‘Two Plus Two’ magazine – February 2012

Leo Margets: “There’s no difference between excellent men or women players although each will have their own style. It’s my observation that with lesser skilled players, men will make more mistakes being too aggressive in the wrong spots and women will be too passive.”

Stereotypes

Despite stereotyping getting a bad name, it is an extremely important part of people’s psychological make up and without stereotyping, it would be impossible to function. Stereotypes are natural, vital and helpful. If with each person you met you had to begin from scratch filling in their characteristics, you simply wouldn’t have enough time in your life.  Stereotyping allows you to fill in the gaps. It gives you a pretty full initial picture that allows you to add to, refine and remodel as you get more information.

For instance, you sit down at a poker table and you’re playing with players you’ve never met. One of these is a hotshot Scandinavian and another, a young blonde girl who doesn’t look old enough to get into the casino. I suspect you already have a different strategies planned for each. This may not be a conscious decision, and you may well think that you are approaching the game with a totally open mind, but that would be practically impossible. You will have already formed some stereotype, some “fixed, over generalised belief about a particular class of people”.

The assumption you have will be based on a number of factors including your upbringing, culture, media, beliefs, personal experience, etc.

In an interview Gus Hanson, Scandinavian player describes his stereotyping experience:

 “Every time I’m at a table with 8 players I’ve never seen before, they might have seen me on TV. They kind of already have it in their minds that the last time they saw me I was bluffing with 2-4 off-suit and called all in with this and that. So naturally they will give me a little more action because those are the hands that they’re seeing me play. But they might not have seen the fact that I won a big hand with kings a day earlier or whatever, so it definitely gets me more action that’s for sure.”

Your assumption of the young blonde girl who didn’t look old enough to get into the casino may be along the lines of Daniel Negreanu who writes about his first experience of playing poker against Jennifer Harman;

“I had my strategy all figured out: I wouldn’t bluff the crazy young kid, but I’d attack the poor little blonde girl. I thought, what is she doing playing so high, anyway? Well, she probably won’t last long, so I’d better get some of that money before it’s gone. That annoying little blonde girl was crushing me! Every time I raised, she reraised me, and every time I bluffed, she called. I was now stuck a little more than $9,000.”

Origins

Jennifer Tilly: “We are raised to be polite and honest. We are not raised to be most of the things that make good poker players.”

The typical stereotypical traits of a woman poker player are: passive, polite, non-competitive, honest, likely to fold in the face of any raise, quiet, slow….

There’s a fair amount deal of truth in a lot of this. There has been a great deal of research carried out in some relevant areas around gender differences. The research is fairly consistent and has been carried out over many years from a variety of sources. The most interesting from a poker playing viewpoint lie in the areas of competitiveness, problem solving and self esteem.

Competitiveness

Annette Obrestad “I’ve always said that girls suck at poker. I say that because they do. Maybe they just aren’t as competitive and don’t try to learn from their mistakes.”

This seems to be true, or at least, partly true. It does however, only tell half the story. Research by Hoygena and Hoygena suggest that women frequently compete as vigorously as males. However, there is an inherent stigma that seems to prevent women being seen to be competitive. This appears to come principally from centuries of social conditioning.  Throughout history, women have had to adapt to be taken seriously in a ‘man’s world’. For instance, the world of arts and writing has primarily been a male-dominated arena for centuries. The only way for some authors to get their work published has been to adapt. Mary Ann Evans had to change her name to George Eliot, and even recently Joanne Rowling was told by her publishers to use her initials J.K.as they felt boys would not read a book written by a woman.

It’s also been proven that women are significantly more likely to compete where they are unlikely to be discriminated against and where they believe they have an equal or better chance of succeeding. Highlighting this, one study by Robinson-Staveley and Cooper found that females outscored men in an isolated competition but men exceeded women when other people were present.

This would explain the influx of women to online poker.

Victoria Coren explains;

“Internet poker is the best thing ever invented for women. Everything that didn’t suit women about live poker was removed at a stroke. It allows you to be as competitive as you like and you won’t get men giving you funny looks. Live poker, broadly speaking, is a more masculine activity.”

Reframing

The stereotype of a passive woman is very strong. Stereotypes tend to be. Even in the face of contradictory evidence, people will cling to their stereotype. One way of rationalising this is reframing. Even when a person acts totally against the stereotype, others rationalise it.

In an interview Vanessa Selbst gave with Kirsty Arnett, she tells of her experience at the final table of a WSOP event. In the hand she was dealt the 52. She raised preflop, got re-raised and then she pushed all in. Unfortunately, she was up against a pair of aces and lost. She continued;

Vanessa: “I got a ton of flack for it. I still get a ton of flack for it.
Kristy: “When I watched that hand, I was thinking, she is second in chips against the chip and leader, and this is absolutely brilliant and ballsy, because he has to fold almost all hands!”
Vanessa: “Yes, exactly. If he has A-Q he folds, and I look like a genius. If he has aces, I look like an idiot. That’s the way it goes.”

In a televised High Stakes Poker game, Phil Ivey played a hand that ended with him going all-in with 5 -2 against Lex Veldhius. This was described as “one of the greatest bluffs in the history of HSP”.

Problem Solving

It has long been established that men are more risk prone than women. Women tend toward a strategy of risk aversion and accept risk as a last resort. They would prefer to take a risk ‘when the benefits are maximised and costs minimised’. Men are generally more comfortable with risk-taking. Men tend to want to rush to a solution whereas women are more likely to spend time longer conceptualising a solution and then implementing it. In their research on competition, Daly and Wilson found that women tend to “develop elegant solutions”, rather than ‘good enough’ solutions.

In poker, as in life, there is generally a time limit around problem solving and quick, successful risk taking is widely admired especially in public. In strict time limit situations, men will more rapidly identify and select a ‘close enough’ solution and implement it. Women may feel more anxious and have performance issues, at least initially.

Both parties can learn and adapt to the situations. The better poker players are either instinctively more flexible in their approach or can learn quicker and adapt more effectively. In general, men have an advantage learning poker in public arenas. In many situations it is almost a mark of honor to play hyper-aggressively even if you lose big. Women tend to be more risk averse and initially at least, handle failure more personally.
Kathy Liebert talks about her strategy in the 2007 WSOP heads-up event;

“You have a series of events in your head already planned out at the beginning of every hand. So, if you see a line from a player, and it winds up being similar to how other players play the same hand, it makes it easier, especially heads up. You’ll see spots where it is pretty obvious someone is going to bluff, or where someone raises and you know they don’t have x, y, and z hands, or whatever it is, just from experience.”

Self Esteem

Clonie Gowen: “To be a successful player, you need a lot of confidence”

Another aspect of the female stereotype is that women lack confidence. There is a great deal of evidence to support this. This seems to emanate from childhood.

Studies on school children have found that girls’ performances are often strongly influenced by the way boys perceive them or the way the girls think boys perceive them. This will greatly affect their performance in the classroom. Many times, girls act naïve or hide their intelligence and abilities because they think this is the way to be socially accepted and popular with boys. Also, it has been shown that even when female college students have the same intellectual results as males, there are frequently huge differences in their perceptions of themselves. A recent example seems to indicate that this perception continues beyond school;

A senior management role was advertised with a salary of £55,000 a year. The advert did not attract one female applicant. However, when the same post was re-advertised for £35,000 a year they were overwhelmed with applications from women.

The way of building self-esteem seems to be a fairly reasonable and well-documented one. The way to build self-confidence is not by throwing them in at the deep end and hoping they can swim. The approach is a systematic series of small steps and confidence building.

Maria Ho: “I would have to say it was online poker that I credit with being able to jump so fast. I’ve always felt more comfortable playing higher online than I did live… I think I was just intimidated in the beginning. So playing online really helped me like get over that intimidation because once I became a winning player at the higher limits, then the limits didn’t intimidate me as much, so I was able to take that into the live arena.”

Finally

This, of course, isn’t true for all men all the time, or all women all the time. There are numerous examples of uncompetitive male players, females that make snap decisions, etc. However, the evidence indicates that there is a degree of truth in the stereotypes.

However, the learning is about playing the person, not the stereotype. For poker players, stereotypes can be dangerous and the better players will take advantage of them. Female poker players will happily play to this;

Kathy Liebert: “Most men treat women as stereotypes at the poker table, not as unique players. This makes it pretty easy to play with men that have never played with me before. Certain types of men check a strong hand because they want to be the “nice” guy. Other types of men might try to bully a “weak” woman. Whatever the case, I win bets. This is a huge advantage to me. There is less advantage against regular opponents of course.”

For women players, the learning here is that if you don’t feel confident playing poker initially, you’re not on your own. Online poker will help some people. Women-only tournaments will help some people. Ultimately, women are different from men, really. Whether the reason is genetic, cultural, behavioural, it really doesn’t matter. There are psychological differences. This should be recognised and acknowledged as it should be for all groups of people. Lucy Rocach’s thoughts on women only tournaments seem to be some of the most sensible on the topic;

“In any activity dominated almost exclusively by one group, there has to be a case for positive discrimination. In the case of live poker, the whole casino experience can be intimidating for the lone uninitiated woman, where the gambling industry is geared towards men. If you can get women used to going to a cardroom and have an enjoyable night out in a non-threatening atmosphere, half the battle’s won.”

8 for 1

It was a tough ball school to join - and a tougher one to leave

Undoubtedly the worst look I’ve ever seen on a golfer’s face came a month or so ago at Bargoed Golf Club. It was a normal friendly, tense, bickering, frustrating, but very entertaining Saturday morning Ball School. There were 4 in our particular group and, as is the custom, it was a stableford competition (For non-golfers Dr. Frank Barney Gordon Stableford a Glamorganshire club member invented the system and first tried it out on fellow members of the club on the 30th September 1898. He later went on to join Royal Porthcawl Golf Club. His system meant that golfers get 2 points every time they complete a hole as they should – subject to all the bracketed conditions further on).

Having played for many years the handicaps had sorted themselves out and we all tended to finish pretty close, most weeks. On this particular day, however, we had a newcomer, a brother of a friend of someone who worked with someone who was married to someone who knew my cousin. He was young, keen and excited. He looked out of place.

However, he was a very nice lad (i.e. anyone under 40 at our club is a lad) who had just taken up golf and was playing off 28. (For non-golfers you get awarded a handicap based on your current level of skill, honesty and ability to put up with the taunt ‘bandit’. If you have a handicap of 28 it means that Tiger Woods and you would be evenly matched on a round of golf if you had a 28 shot start…. Well not exactly as Tiger is probably off +10 or something, but theoretically a scratch golfer would give you 28 shots and you would tie).

None of our Ball School were scratch golfers although one of them, the one with the face (which I referred to earlier, and will come on to later) was playing off a handicap of 9.

The morning was progressing steadily and the scores were pretty close between our 9 handicapper and the newcomer. The rest of us suffered with the usual mixture of hangovers, bad lies, bad luck and over-optimism. After the 13th our 9 handicapper was on a steady 26 points, a few points behind the newcomer who lead the way with a worthy 28. The 14th hole is a fairly unremarkable but quite narrow par 5, stroke index 10 (For non-golfers all those numbers must sound a bit odd. Basically they mean that this was the 14th hole out of 18 , the target for a scratch golfer was to complete it with 5 shots and it was the 10th most difficult [stroke indexes relate to difficulty – Stroke index 18 being the easiest] hole).

The man with the face played the hole exceptionally well; nice drive, long iron, pitch and 12 foot putt to get his 3 points (for non-golfers, see Stableford bracket – keep up) and announce it calmly; “4 for 3” (i.e. four shots and 3 points). He now felt he had a distinct advantage, especially as he had seen the newcomer hook into the trees from the tee. We had all gone a-searching and found the ball under a branch. Somehow he managed to chip it back out onto the fairway. He then topped a three wood that still trundled 150 yards before it dived into the rough. We found this for him as well. He somehow managed to hack it back out onto the fairway. The next shot bent like a banana, looked like it was going out of bounds, hit a branch and plopped in the bunker at the right of the green. He found that one himself. He managed to get it out of the bunker by some means and it rolled and rolled to within a few feet of the flag. He strode up and confidently missed the putt by inches then backhanded it into the hole with a groan.

As we walked away from the green our newcomer was counting his shots. He counted them in the traditional golfing way by looking back up the fairway and mentally replaying the scenic route he had taken. We moved on to the next tee with the newcomer still counting. Our inane chatter stopped as the 9 handicapper strode to the tee, placed his ball and made a few practice swings. The newcomer looked up from his scorecard and quite calmly, quite loudly and quite shamelessly announced that he had still scored a point even though he had played the hole as badly as anyone ever had in the history of the game. His actual words were “8 for 1.”

The 9 handicapper stopped and turned around. Then came the look. The look was one of utter, utter disbelief. The face that had seen 52 years of pain and anguish took on a new expression. The face that had seen highs and lows, weddings and funerals, death and destruction was now resigned to life just not being fair and there was nothing he could ever do about it. It was a face that questioned God. He was practically in tears.

The remainder of the round he never scored a point. He spent the rest of the time wandering off into far flung corners of the golf course looking for his ball muttering under his breath. All we could hear were semi-crazed mumblings and the occasional manic laugh, “8 for 1; 8 for 1; 8 for 1.”

It’s easy to forget

Colleagues Wishing Me Good Luck With My Drive On The Tricky 6th

It’s easy to forget that other golfers are often people as well. Frequently all they appear to be are slow moving, exasperating, megalithic obstructions, arrogant youngsters or grumpy old committee members. They are frequently real people, just like you, I guess, with their own fears and concerns, handicaps and hang-ups. However, it is easy to forget this when they’re on the green a hundred yards away from you clustered around the flag marking their scores. Or when one of them is ambling back to the tee after they’ve duck hooked one so far left that the only question is whether it’s in the same post code as the fairway, not whether it’s in or out of bounds. Why didn’t they just play another one off the tee? Were they hoping for some divine intervention? Did they think that a dove would swoop down and gather the ball in its little beak and drop it back on the fairway? Why can’t they get a move on? Why don’t they just take up bowls?

Preposterously the people behind you have the shameless temerity to complain about you for slow play. Granted it was getting dark when you finished and the group in front of you had finished, showered, had a three course meal and waved sarcastically as they passed you on their way home. Yet, you need to align yourself correctly, don’t you? You’ve seen all professionals stop when something disturbs you and you go through their whole pre-shot routine again. When you have to look for a ball it’s inevitable, you can’t play golf without a few mistakes otherwise you’d be off scratch and anyway even Tiger Woods has to look for his ball now and again.

And another thing, how come, when you play with your ‘friends’ they say the most stupid, more ludicrous, most hurtful things. It starts on the first drive on the first tee. Before you’ve finished your follow through they’re whispering “bunker”. There is no way they can know that from your swing, unless they’re putting some kind of group hex on you – again. From a greenside bunker you thin it and the ball whistles across the green head high like a tracer bullet. It stops 50 yards away. You’re greeted with a less than sympathetic, “Well out”. A few shots later and your on the edge of the green. Your hard putt hit a sprinkler climbs vertically for a few kilometres and plops back to earth further away from the hole than you were 3 shots ago, “looked good in the air” comes the less-than-helpful quip.

There are times when your friends can be cruel for instance the time you’re in the middle of the fairway on the 150 yard marker and ask politely, “Can I get there with an 8 iron?”

“Depends, “ comes the reply

“On what?”

“On how many times you’re planning to hit it.”

I did get my own back, just the once. I had eagled the long par 5 3rd for the first time in my life and couldn’t resist it. I’m not proud of it but it had to be done. When would I ever get the chance again?  As we stood on the next tee I took a driver out and asked politely, “Did anyone get a two?”

Golf and You – Prelude to a book I will write some day ….really

Golf used To be fun

Preface

Golf originated in the 12^th century in Scotland with shepherds knocking chuckies into hawls with crummocks.

800 years later the chuckies may well now be titeliest Pro V and your “relief “crummock could have a polymer cord hybrid black grip. Yet essentially it’s the same game;

your task is to get the pebble into the rabbit hole with the least number of  cloots.

” ……..an for thaim efter enjoyin the gemme o gawf “

Movable Obstructions Grazing

Credo

 I promise it will not have an opening chapter about your grip, a chapter dealing with the 10 most common faults or chapters entitled – “Putting – The Game Within A Game”, “Understand Your Swing” or “Warming Up Before Your Round”. It won’t contain a foreword by a famous player (the best I could hope  for is Bradley Dredge as my mum knows his mum, slightly).

There will be no colour illustrations of me, or Bradley, shot on a Spanish golf course standing in a gorgeous yellow sandy bunker looking wise. There will be no drills from me, pretending that I’m the first person who has ever suggested it, telling you to; “hit your putts at a ball marker, not at the hole”, “on bunker shots hit the sand 1 inch behind the ball” or “ practice swinging with your legs tied together to improve your balance”.  

None of this ........

.... nor, thankfully, this

 The point of the book will be;

 1.  To give people a chuckle

 

2. To teach golfers (and any real people who stumble over this book) a little about themselves, how they think, why they do what they do, what motivates them, and offers them alternatives.

 

3. To remind everyone not playing on the Professional Circuit that that golf is a game, a pastime, a diversion, an entertainment….

 

 

The Bradley Dredge Formation Putting Team in action

What reviewers won’t be saying about this book;

 “This goldmine of ideas teaches you how to generate the most power from your swing, hit your irons close and stop three-putting”

 “This masterpiece of simplicity offers a fast track to a lower handicap for all…each chapter offers fascinating insights that are guaranteed to save you shots.”

 

“This eye-opening tutorial will empower golfers… a fast track to a better game.” 

 

“When I started reading this book I rarely broke 100. Within a week I was playing off scratch. By the time I had finished it I was on the professional circuit…… I can thoroughly recommend it.”  

 

Movable Obstructions at play

To any publishers reading this :

Let’s start the bidding at £10,000 shall we?…………………..